I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
