Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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