I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize