Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
