he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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