I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
