one word: firstdatebathroomanal
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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