So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
