she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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