Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
