i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize