is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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