you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
