Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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