I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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