he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
