I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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