the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
