"it" just moved
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
