sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
