Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
