he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize