oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
