I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
