If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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