are you still at the devil's house?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
