you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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