okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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