My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
