I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize