I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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