Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
