you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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