the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize