how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
