im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
