i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
