he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
