Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
