His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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