Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
