Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
