Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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