i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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