I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
