I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
