Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
