I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The air was thick with penises
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
