I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Is that strawberry winking at me??
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
