Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Who died my cat blue again?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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