I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
