And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
