I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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