I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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