I wish I could teleport
Betty ford says i'm here all night
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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