After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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