and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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