woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
