he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
