She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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