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Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
don't judge my taste in strippers
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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