I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize