there's paper in my vomit.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize