The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We smell like vodka and hangover
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