You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
