Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
