I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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