Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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