By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize