EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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