A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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