I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
