So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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