What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize