my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
