so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
