now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
