She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize