When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
