I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
