it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
