M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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