Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
