Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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