saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
