dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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