I will die if light touches me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
