she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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