dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize