found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
