Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
