im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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