Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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